Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
