Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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