I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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