We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
