so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
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