mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
