I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize