She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
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