even my farts smell like vagina
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
