I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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