1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
