U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
