You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
