It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
