I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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