I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
