Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
