I met the friendliest cop last night
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
