1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Randomize
