Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
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