so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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