I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
