I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize