Umm I'm too high to move.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
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