im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
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