It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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