its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
