Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
