Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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