I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
