i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
