remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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