I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
