I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
My cat gives me a boner
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize
