he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
