i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
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