the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
