I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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