please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
My feet surprised me
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
