He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
