GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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