nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
