Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
