i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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