So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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