you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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