Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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