i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
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