weddingsv make me drug and hornr
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
