What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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