you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize