well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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