My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
i will never coherently bang her
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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