i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
