Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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