Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
