Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
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