Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
