you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
