Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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