Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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