Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize