when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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