Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
