He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Randomize
