I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
