i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
