So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
