The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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