You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
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