I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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