I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
40s are totally the cure
sex in a hospital.. check
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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