I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
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