his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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