yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize