she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
