how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize