would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
