the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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