when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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