why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
