She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
