Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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