i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
