It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
