Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
You need a sexual gate keeper
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
