Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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