Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
