I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
