After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Randomize
