I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
