My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize