its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Sober January is a disaster.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
He's a Shit stain on my heart
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
