Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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